Changes

It’s been a very long time since I have written a blog. I have missed it on one hand and on the other I have honestly felt too busy to slow down long enough to sit and write. This year has been full of changes. Not just minor changes but huge life altering changes.

Mynrow being born and adjusting to life with a new born again. It’s been such a blessing in my home to hear baby giggles, have sleepless nights, crying…. Yes, those things I have missed. It’s not a burden to be waken in the night. I thank God for the baby whimpers that spring me out of bed. It’s a blessing! I love watching Wyatt gently play with his baby sister, it makes my heart melt. He is so sweet and tender with her. I always imagine Rowyn sitting and playing with them. What would my house be like if she were here??? A tornado of toys, wrestling, laughter, a house full of love and completeness. The girls would out number the boys. That would be fun! Every night when I lay the baby down to sleep I turn on her

sparkly angel night light and ask Rowyn to watch over her baby sister. In my heart I know that she is here. I feel her presence as I read Wyatt his bed time stories and we say our prayers.

Life continues to change daily as my children grow and we are adjusting to life without Rowyn. Raise for Rowyn continues to grow and change. We have added new board members, all of us have changed our roles and taken on more specific duties. I have decided that I want to focus more energy working for the charity and have decided to cut back on my salon hours. It’s structurally different but all for the growth and success of the charity. It’s truly amazing to see what has become. I have given it to the Lord. If this is what he wants for Raise for Rowyn than make it happen. With that being said, I have not had to try very hard to grow this foundation it continues to grow itself. We have been able to help

75 families that have suffered the loss of a child in just over a years’ time. My little boy turned five years old and is going into Kindergarten. Where has the time gone? After the loss of Rowyn my memory has not been the same. I try to think back over the last year and have huge gaps of time lost. I don’t remember my son’s birthday last year…. I don’t remember what he wore on his first day of school or what we have done really. I know I was present in body but my mind has been absent. I have focused on merely surviving since the loss of my daughter.

Relationships…. this has been tough for me and has endured many changes. Some relationships have grown and flourished to the point where I have never felt so connected, some have faded over time and I just see face book posts about their lives. This is not something that I blame on any one person, it is just honestly that I don’t have the energy or time to nourish all the relationships that I used to. I love each and every relationship that I have had, new or old, but can only put my energy into my families

healing, being a mother and wife, my own wellbeing, and Raise for Rowyn. I miss my friendships that

have faded, it’s hard to feel distance between people that I used to be so close with. It is just a part of my healing that is hard to explain.

I am beyond blessed to have experienced some of these major changes and experiences. Some I haven’t figured out yet. I am not sure God’s plan or lesson for me but I continue to thank him daily for the blessings that he puts in my life. I will never stop asking him to guide my journey.